Tom McMahon

Because, says Britain's Astronomer Royal, you happen to be in the right universe.  

The Free Mumia Buttons are on Closeout. No Discounts, No Returns. Must be that the Fringe Left is losing interest. . . 

Steve Hayward writes:

"Much has been made of Bush serving up Thanksgiving dinner to the troops in Baghdad, as though it was a calculated pose devised by his PR people. More likely it is the real Bush in action. I was having dinner at Morton’s on Connecticut Avenue in Washington in early October, 2001--less than a month after 9/11--when Bush showed up with a small entourage to have his first dinner out since 9/11. (I took it as a good sign that he came to Morton’s, where one is assured of a large cut of red meat.) The entire restaurant immediately rose to its feet and applauded, of course, and Bush waved in every direction. But instead of working the tables to shake hands with the self-appointed VIPs who habituate Morton’s, Bush went to . . . the kitchen, where he shook hands and greeted the wait staff and cooks at length. The man has a genuine common touch. The contrast with what Clinton would have done (assuming he would even go to Morton’s) could not have been greater."

 

Evidently so. The Sad Story. 

A few of the new, improved holiday songs, via Joanne Jacobs:

• I'm Dreaming of Many-Hued Winter Season


• Oh, Come all ye Faithful, Agnostics and Atheists


• I Saw My Parent/Step Parent/Guardian/Caretaker Kissing Santa Claus


• We Wish You a Merry December (and a happy new calendar page for those that observe the years according to other religions or cultures)


• Supreme Being of Your Choice Rest Ye Merry Gentlepeople

 

Anecdotage.com: "We are currently home to several thousand humorous and/or inspirational items covering everything from acrobats and acronyms to zippers and zoos... We aim to remain "The World's Widest Web of Celebrity Anecdotes"!

It is not always easy to distinguish between anecdote and trivia. Giovanni Vigliotto is surely the only human being ever to have married four unsuspecting women aboard a single cruise ship. Is this an anecdote? We think so. On the other hand, while Professor Maurice Yonge is surely the only human being ever to have read Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire from cover to cover while sitting on the Great Barrier Reef, this detail seems less significant and has not found its way into our collection. Oddity alone will not quite do. " 

Kids! Too busy to sit down and write an old-fashioned letter to Santa? Have no fear! This handy-dandy interweb doo-dad can do the heavy lifting for you! 

The Boston Red Sox Monopoly Game: "It's every fan's dream-to own one of the country's finest ball clubs. Players have the opportunity to control the various assets of the Red Sox, from players, to Fenway Park, even the famous Green Monster.Custom pewter tokens include catcher's mask, pitcher, ball in glove, cap, pennant, and a pair of socks. Instead of the traditional houses and hotels, build your major league empire with luxury boxes and ballparks." 

From Carol Johnson over at Emuse:

"I'll say it. I'm proud of my President.

Yeah, I may be a gullible fool. I'll take that chance.

If you're looking for spin, there's plenty to be had. Or second guessing motivations. Was it all a political ploy?

Well, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

It was the right thing to do. It snookered the "press" -- which in my estimation certainly needs to be taken down a peg, given that their opinion of themselves is leaps and bounds above their demonstrated ability, let alone their apparent unwillingness to aspire to undertake the responsibility they hold in a free republic.

George Bush is proving to be the Alpha Male of politics -- and damn if the left can condemn him for it while supporting wannabe's like Gore who think it means hiring fashion consultants to dress him in brown suits to show his leadership.

Bush can connect with "the average Joe" better than any prospective challenger, and they'd do themselves a favor by figuring out why the hell that is."

 

This top ten list is of biographies or autobiographies of anyone who had been a native-born or naturalized American citizen since 1776 

From the Tabasco Country Store 

Soviet hockey fans' apparel. When the U.S. hockey team upset the #1-ranked Soviet team in the last moments of the final game of the 1980 Olympics, sports commentator Al Michaels asked the TV audience "Do you believe in miracles?" Now, you can have the last laugh with your very own USSR or Red Army Penguins hockey jerseys. Jerseys are 100% polyester and feature a famous player's name, in Russian. One size fits all. 

Single deck of standard playing cards from Bicycle. The back of the cards feature Playboy's Rabbit Head icon. Face cards feature magazine covers from the first 50 years of Playboy 

It's only 95 minutes long, but you'll swear it took years off your life. The Black Hole 

Here's the recipe 

Selected Homerisms:

It doesn't matter how many "Shemps" you have it still doesn't equal one "Curly".
Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
No donkey ever won the Kentucky Derby.
It doesn't matter how tight the skirt, you still gotta have the legs.
No one cares if a skunk is trying hard 

"We've all heard the story of how the Pilgrims, landing in Massachusetts on the Mayflower in 1620, were ill equipped to survive the harsh winters of the New World. We've also heard how they met an Indian of the Pawtuxet tribe named Squanto who befriended them, taught them how to survive in their new wilderness home, showed them how to plant crops, and acted as an interpreter with the Wampanoag tribe and its chief, Massasoit. The fact that he already knew English before the Pilgrims landed is what is remarkable. . ." 

Making kids feel bad so some neurotic adults can feel good. 

A wonderfully refreshing Flash animation 

Is Your Family Ready for a Zombie Attack? Consider these sobering facts:

• Ninety-five percent of Americans live within two miles of a cemetery or mortuary


• Most Americans use and value their brains -- the natural food of zombies.


• Ninety percent of zombie related fatalities occur in the home.


• The only proven defense against zombie attack is an effective early warning system

(via Idletype and Gravity Lens ) 

http://www.cnn.com.mirror.sytes.org/

Go to Any web site add ".mirror.sytes.org" at the end of the url and it will work too. (via Jim Kohli and Suresh Shanmugam) 

Here's the story, as sent to me by Bill Granger:

Does the statement, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells... ? The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did "they" use that gauge then?

Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?

Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's
the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads?

Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?

Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses. Now the twist to the story...

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory at Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. ... and you thought being a HORSE'S ASS wasn't important!

Funny? Sure. True? Maybe more than you might think. Follow this line of development by Cecil Adams and you'll see what I mean. 

Windows RG: "Anyone who's ever had Windows crash, lock up or spew unintelligble error messages -- and that would be every Windows user -- will appreciate this one. The "RG" stands for Real Good. Be sure and try the Order Food command from the Start menu. "  

 

Dallas-Fort Worth Star-Telegram: "These days, Gene Stallings lives on his own Walden, a 600-acre spread called Hike-A-Way, with lakes and ducks and Canadian geese. As one of the fabled Junction Boys, Stallings corroborated the story. Paul "Bear" Bryant took two busloads of Texas A&M football players to Junction in the summer of 1954 to participate in the hottest, bleakest, most torturous training camp imaginable, without water breaks, then returned the team to College Station 10 days later in a single bus ... half full. This became a best-selling book in 1999. Now it's a made-for-TV movie, The Junction Boys , which stars Tom Berenger as Bryant. The Junction legend is like any good fish story, said Stallings. "The longer it's been, the worse it gets." "(via PubliusTX) 

TAMPICO, Ill. - For 27 years, this village's slight fame as Ronald Reagan's birthplace has been sustained by two local couples, the Nicelys and the McElhineys. Now, with the Nicelys dead and the McElhineys ailing, keeping Tampico's name on the map has fallen to an unlikely outsider, a big-time lawyer from Chicago - a Democrat, no less. The Birthplace draws an average of 15 visitors a day and fewer than 4,000 a year. In Dixon, the Ronald Reagan Boyhood Home draws about 13,000 visitors a year.  

Borowitz: "U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft pressed President Bush to withhold the customary pre-Thanksgiving pardon for the White House turkey today, forcefully arguing that the bird should face a military tribunal at Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo, Cuba. FBI agents arrested the turkey moments before the traditional pardoning ceremony, taking it away in shackles as a busload of third graders watched in horror. The decision to detain the White House turkey at Gitmo surprised many in Washington who had expected the turkey to receive leniency from Mr. Bush. But in a press conference at the Justice Department, Mr. Ashcroft said that there were “too many questions” hovering over the suspicious poultry to let it go free." 

 

"Goebbels takes on the role of prophet, imaging the world two generations after German victory. In this essay, he also uses the phrase "Iron Curtain" to describe the results of the Soviet incursion into Europe. The war was nearing its end, but Goebbels seeks to persuade his fellow citizens that victory is still possible." (via Amygdala) 

JS Online: "Madison - Gov. Jim Doyle had to cancel his ceremonial flu shot Monday because he was recovering from what an aide called 'flu-like symptoms.'"

A ceremonial flu shot? 

"The Ambient Orb slowly transitions between thousands of colors to show changes in the weather, the health of your stock portfolio, or if your boss or kid is on instant messenger. Imagine if you had to go to your computer and type in your zip code whenever you wanted to check what time it was. Your important information should be as accessible as looking at a clock, now the Ambient Orb can make a variety of information just a glance away. The Orb will arrive automatically set to track the Dow Jones Industrial Average, glowing more green or red to indicate market movement up or down, or yellow when the market is calm. It can be customized to a set of free channels, such as market indices or weather in major cities. Optionally, you can upgrade to access more premium channels, such as your customized portfolio." 

"The Andy Griffith Show Rerun Watchers Club (TAGSRWC) is a world wide organization dedicated to promoting the airing of TAGS. At present, there are over 1000 local chapters of TAGSRWC and many of those chapters have been busier than ever with their own chapter activities during the last year. And probably just as many have been perfectly happy just watching TAGS reruns whenever they can."
 

"Just like our mini RC cars but it's a mouse! Charge it in less than a minute and your ready to startle, scare and make them scream. The mouse/rat will ride like the wind as you control it. Very fast and you can move it in all directions forward and reverse. Wheels are hidden under rat body." 

The best of them are right here (via Bernie DeKoven's Fun Findings) 

Doug Pappas: "After leading the NL in attendance in each of their first six years in Milwaukee, the Braves saw attendance nose-dive in the early 1960s. Between 1957 and 1962 the Braves lost two-thirds of their patrons. The club, which in 1953 had become the first club in 50 years to move, sought to become the first club to move twice. Although the Braves' lease at Milwaukee's County Stadium ran through 1965, the club didn't want to wait that long. In mid-July 1964, The Sporting News broke the story that the club was headed for Atlanta. Soon thereafter the Braves asked the NL for permission to move. The NL granted permission -- but for 1966, requiring the Braves to honor the final year of their stadium lease. (Those were the days.)

Undaunted, the Braves began transferring operations to Atlanta during the offseason. They made no effort to market in Milwaukee: after selling 4,477 season tickets for the 1964 season, the Braves had sold exactly 36 for 1965 as the year began. Interest was so low that the Braves, who were already broadcasting and telecasting selected games to Atlanta, offered all their games for free to any Wisconsin radio station willing to air them. The 1965 Braves drew only 555,584 fans to County Stadium, a decline of over 350,000." 

Some facts on Warren Spahn:

Winningest left-hander in baseball history
Won 20 games 13 times
Led the NL in victories eight times
Was 25 before he got his first major league win
Fought at the Battle of the Bulge
Won a Bronze Star and the Purple Heart

 

In his career, he had exactly as many hits as a batter as he did wins as a pitcher: 363 

JG: This guy gives a piece of matzoh to a blind man. The blind man says, "Who writes this stuff?" 

 

Business Week: "As playthings become ever-cheaper and more ubiquitous -- and as kids grow jaded -- the entire industry is facing some painful prospects. Parents and adults, you might as well face it: The gift of a new toy to a child may not elicit the squeals of delight everyone likes to associate with holiday shopping anymore. These days, toys are sold everywhere -- supermarkets, drugstores, tourist destinations, online. And because toys are cheaper than ever, the most ordinary occasion has become a gift-giving event. First dentist appointment? Why not reward the brave little one with a new action figure or doll. Going to a friend's for dinner? Forget flowers for the hostess, bring a board game for late-night entertainment. Need to ward off an eight-year-old's meltdown during an airplane trip? A video game should do the trick. Now, to set Christmas apart as a holiday associated with giving gifts, people feel they need to provide a really huge quantity of toys. The result is kids numbed to the barrage and parents primed for a backlash against rampant consumerism. Children today are living in a world of tons of toys."  

"The Wheel wasn’t designed to be fun to watch, but it doesn’t hurt—especially when it cooks everything you need for a meal all at once and fast! And everything is delectable and healthy. It uses a dual heating element that does for cuts of meat what a rotisserie can only do for whole birds and roasts. Just put it in and let it spin! The Wheel is a BBQ, grill, broiler and baker in one. " 

"The ClearPlay service uses "ClearPlay Filters" that are associated with each different movie. The ClearPlay Filters are compiled by our staff of movie professionals. When the filter is used during the playback of the movie, content that may have contributed to a movie's PG-13 or R rating is skipped over or muted while the movie is playing.

When a user activates ClearPlay on their DVD Player, the ClearPlay Guides instruct the DVD player how to present the movie so that PG-13 or R rated content is 'skipped over' or muted during playback. Great care and effort is taken to ensure that although a scene or word is removed, the continuity of the story is maintained, and the presentation retains its entertaining value. Many say the end result is similar to an airline or television presentation of the movie."  

The Holiday Jigglers Jell-O Mold Set includes Christmas Tree, Gingerbread Man, Santa, Star and Snowman (2 each). 

The End of the World Flash Movie (via Carolyn Mead)
 

The life of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin in the days after his death: "Little has changed since then. Lenin’s body was removed and stored in the town of Kuibyshev from July 1941 to April 1945, for fear it could be destroyed by German bombing, Shchusev added some more viewing stands in 1945, and Stalin himself was preserved and laid to rest next to Lenin after his death in 1953 until his removal in 1961 as a part of de-stalinization. In 1973 a new casket was designed by the sculptor N.V. Tomskii. That’s not quite the end of the story, however. The same team was also responsible for the preservation of G. Dimitrov, a Bulgarian socialist leader of note. The process developed by Vorobev and Zbarsky was later improved by S.R. Mardashev and Soviet experts were also charged with the preservation of Ho-Chi-Minh in 1972 and Mao-Zedong in 1976, who are both on display in mausoleums much like that of Lenin’s. A tourist brochure for Beijing states: "After a glimpse of the body, you may pick up some Mao memorabilia at the souvenir shacks outside the mausoleum." " 

• The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -- cold.
• The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -- double-spaced and written in a large font.
• A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
• Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
• Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before to get it done.

(via Indigo Insights) 

A nice explanation or a really nifty Flash implementation to play with. Useful for math teachers demonstrating the concept of normal distribution and such. (via my Ph.D brother Tim. We're going after the highbrow demographic with this post.) 

National Turkey Federation: "Deep-fried turkey, a concept that started in the south, is gradually rising in popularity nationwide. It's a perfect twist for barbecues, block parties and holiday feasts. In fact, since deep-frying turkey requires special equipment and lots of oil, families and groups of neighbors often get together to share the costs and the feast. To get you started, we have several deep-fried turkey recipes for you." 

As usual, The Straight Dope has the answer! 

 

Les Kinsolving: "Not long after news of the horror in Guyana on Nov. 18, 1978, I received a phone call from the FBI informing me of their discovery that I was number two on the "hit list" of the Disciples of Christ Christian Church's pastor of the Peoples Temple, the Rev. Jim Jones. This ordained monster – who caused the slaughter of his mostly mesmerized disciples in Guyana – could so easily have been stopped before they were killed.

The Examiner killed the last four of the eight stories I wrote in cooperation with Carolyn Pickering, a courageous reporter of the Indianapolis Star, who knew Jones before he moved from Indiana to California. The Star censored none of her reports. Then, the Examiner sent me back to Ukiah, Calif., to seek further evidence – this, as I learned, was at the risk of my life. The Chronicle's late columnist Herb Caen, and its late city editor, Abe Melinkoff, could have exposed Jim Jones when San Francisco's Mayor George Moscone appointed him to head the city's department of Human Rights and Housing.

There were so many other media to whom I personally pleaded to send their own reporters to Ukiah and investigate if the evidence I sent them was sufficient. They include the Washington Post, Washington Star, Baltimore Sun, New York Times, AP, UPI, the then widely read columnist Jack Anderson, the Chicago Sun-Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Religion Newswriter's Association and Sigma Delta Chi. Of these dozens to whom I pleaded, not one of them followed up. And only one of them apologized as the Guyana death toll came in . He was, at that time, Jack Anderson's assistant. Today, he is Fox News anchorman Brit Hume. "